Another heart calls

goodbye for now

2009-08-24T18:53:00.006+08:00

moving to Tumblr
See you there.
I won't delete my blog here.
See how much memories it holds.
Enjoy the older posts eh, for those who were the ghosts of my past.
I forgot how much you mean to me.
but I accidentally deleted my July/August posts. :(((((((((((((((((((

http://crushesareharmlessfun.tumblr.com/

Tape Song

2009-06-28T23:46:00.004+08:00

Another Sunday in town.
We had our late lunch/early dinner at Far East.
I want to shop.
Then to the Flea Market at Mount Sophia.
I went there too yesterday and I had to climb the very high staircase.
I almost drop dead during the 1st climb cause I didn't expect it to be that high.
Lesson Learnt : Learn to trust rumours sometimes.

I swear I can shed some weight going up the stairs everyday.
Then Istana Park for some chilling out time.
:D
I went home by 9pm. Early. I know.
I like my blog, because there's my picture plastered on it. VERY BIG! ehehe!

Things are a little screwed up but its getting a little bit better than yesterday.
I think its the hormones that killing my self-esteem. The curse of the female gender, urgh.
I hate it, I hate it with every single fibre in my being.
Whenever my self-esteem runs horribly low, I can't even look at myself in the mirror.
I'll do anything to kill that damned reflection. I won't be myself, desperately wanting to be somebody's else. I try so hard to be someone's else, someone so much better off than me. I seek refuge in just stoning, dreaming of the other world that seems so perfect, surreal. I know this isn't healthy, to be acting out in a perfect happy place but that's the only escape, at least for the moment. so in times like these, I'm glad someone would be on the phone with me till 5 am accompanying me and just cheering me up. I've missed you. I might not be the main attention now but please, think of me sometimes okay.

(: Thanks alot.

Vivo with my tuition matessss from '08 PICTURES

2009-06-28T23:09:00.007+08:00

I know my nails are very pretty. My favourite body part. hahah!

$5 manicureeeeeeee.

I annoyed her like crazy. Its a good thing that China workers are patient! haha!

the kau-nak-ape-setan look.

2009-06-28T16:39:00.003+08:00

I'm in a difficult situation now.
but I can't bring myself to hate myself anymore.
& I'm starting to stone again.
That is another bad news.
but I think I'll have a good time later with Sisqa and Ira.
Happy Birthday Cheeky Partner!
ILOVEYOU!

Tell me where to start, tell me something I don't know

2009-06-26T23:02:00.002+08:00

You'll always be my thunder.
(:

Just the other night, I thought I heard you cry

2009-06-26T20:26:00.007+08:00

I can't believe Micheal Jackson passed on.
He's probably one of those musicians I admired and I loved his songs, even my dad was a fan.
He was a legend and I think everyone is somewhat sad that he's gone, forever.
But still, May you rest in peace and I'm glad that your music doesn't perish along with you.
I'm sure everyone listening to MJ's today.

& I hate hospitals. Annoying fucks.

I'm sitting around now.
Can I change my point of view?
I don't like to wait on you or anyone for that matter.
I feel so lonely now, on a Friday Night!
Ferd bailed out on our Transformers movie.
How could he?!!!
but its okay, I'm still meeting him tomorrow.
and now, let me please enjoy another sleepless night of movie.

you ain't gonna burn my heart out

2009-06-25T21:54:00.005+08:00

Hindustan movie with Maine <3333!
Mushroom soup
and I don't like the way things are right now.
Seriously, you are pissing me off.
and I am so fucking bored out of my wits
I know I'm bullshitting but for the love of God, PLEASE
Take Me OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!

so what's the matter with you, sing me something new

2009-06-24T23:50:00.001+08:00

Tuition mates' outing turn out to be fun!
Although only Alin, Ain, Khairul and myself turned up.
Vivo-ed for some pictures and Ain left.
Bugissss to sheesha but none of us was legal so forget it k.
I don't want to embarrass myself any further.
but I did my nails. (:

Pictures are with Alin so please please! I want it asap! :D

2009-06-23T23:52:00.002+08:00

Hanged out at Reservoir Park with Maine, Dan, Is and Hariz and the rest of the boys.
Happy Birthday Is! HAHA! :D

Anddddd nothing exciting have been happening lately, just mundane stuffs.
I have nothing to think of and almost nothing to worry.
except for the date due for my library books and I'm too engrossed in reading the other book
because I think this is another fantastic book I just discovered.
hah!

2009-06-22T04:10:00.003+08:00

I went shopping today with Khairul and Sisqa.
the problem with me now is that I can never bring extra cash along with me because I will totally forgot that extra cash was for something else and end up buying things with no change.

so I had no money left for food, serve me right.
but I had free frappes, cheesecakes and cigs.
Life's been good uh? HAHA!

Met Ira too! (:
and we got home by 11pm.
Mum was screaming at me but now, I don't give a damn about curfews anymore.

& I finally caved in to my Macspicy cravings.
Had a 1 am meal ( I know, perangai macam orang gemuk nak kurus tapi tetap pentingkan perut kan) with Shefa and there was some fucked up things happening there too.
I don't like girls who complained after being fucked and in the end, causing so much trouble that everyone's involved.
Afad came by almost 3 and my eyes were in need of sleep but now
I can't fucking sleep!

Heartbreaking News No. 1 : I'm broke till July.
Heartbreaking News No.2 : I'm having stomach upset and I think I'm gonna throw up and I wasted $4.25 if I expel the macspicy!

I've got the right move.

2009-06-21T15:05:00.003+08:00

when you don't give a fuck about the people you used to care anymore,
everything turns ugly, mundane and you don't bother to impress them anymore.
like I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.

Oh, here it goes again. I'm not sick of this. I'm playing along with it.
A million times, a million times of going through the motion.
The same damn thing that keeps me wanting to live my life with enthusiasm.
I can never live up to being what you wanted me to be,
what the fuck for?
I live to be someone I want myself to be and what you see now is what you get.
don't bother trying to change my mind, forcing me to see the world through your eyes.
It will never work.

eh boring nak mampus sia today

2009-06-20T22:25:00.003+08:00

I'm stuck at home today, yeah. Saturday. I know.
How could any adolescent just stay at home on a weekend right?
but I watched Hindustan and Daddy Day Care to keep my sanity at bay today.
Pathetic, I know. I'm having headaches from being bored. Can you believe it !?!!
I think I'm losing it. I had enough of hibernating, its doing totally no good to my brain, and my butt.

I need to grab some fresh air tomorrow, I don't care if my legs are still hurting.
I'll be a very angry person if I don't get to spend my Sunday outside of these crazy house.
Now, I can't stand my mum's nagging.

booooooooooooooowl

2009-06-19T23:45:00.003+08:00

Bowling was very nice, despite the fact that I just got back from the day surgery a day before.
everything is cool, I'm really doing okay you know. Just the occasionally pain you get from wounds.
Pastamania was wonderful! I love Lasagna!!
and I took a very heartbreaking taxi ride to Kallang Mrt with Faree.
And all these happened yesterday.

I'm bored as hell today.
Slept the whole day, I miss hibernating but too much of a good thing is not a good thing.
Lepaked with Afad,Shefa and Epah under my void deck.
k bye, I wanna talk to my Didi!
(:
imy sey.

PINHOLES PICTURES

2009-06-17T19:45:00.004+08:00

at last.
Enjoy!
(:

I wasn't asking for the world

2009-06-16T00:04:00.004+08:00

I handed in my assignment already and I really have no mood for town or whatever shit.
I.am.really.so.bored.now.
I really want to upload my pictures but since not all of them are here, I just have to wait till Ira's online.
I have outdated pictures. =.=

I want a camera!!!
but I have no idea on what to get, neither do I have the experience of owning one.
I know, kental kan.
My parents don't really like taking pictures and they don't think that memories are a good thing.
well, to a certain perspective, I have to agree with them.
but some special moments in your life should be recorded or captured to be kept as a memory.
not only in your mind but in pictures too.
They triggers memories, past feelings and even if they make you upset, you know that you had some good moments in your life, something that you can't change no matter what.
They change your course of life, probably something you don't planned but what's life without some spontaneity?
I kinda regret deleting some pictures I thought were never good to remember but thank goodness I found a few of them in photobucket. (:

err, I think I just messed the whole paragraph up but I can't be bothered to change it.
but people!
please recommend me some good cameras!
I was thinking of something like fujifilm DXR or Canon Powershot A480.
I don't know laaaaaaaaaaa.

and to those who's been quarantined,
I'm sorry for laughing my ass off at first, but seriously now.
I pray that nothing will happen to you,
and this goes to Epah especially. (:
heheh!

2009-06-15T01:06:00.002+08:00

I terribly miss you

so wouldn't you be my baby now?

2009-06-14T21:51:00.002+08:00

I have truckloads of pictures that I have yet to recieve and that's why my blog is very bare.
bohooooooooooooo`
Err, I wanna update about the Pinholes! :D
so you know, Pinholes is one of my favourite rock and roll band of course I won't miss it for the world!

I met Indrawaty at Bedok and headed off for Starbucks@RafflesCity. (:
We chatted, talked and its been a very long time since I met her! HEHEH!
We spent alot of time at Cathay's music store before heading to Esplanade for Pinholes' performance!

I met Sisqa first, then Shahiddin at the drink store.
Enjoyed the 1st set very much, then Ira came and Oh! Brothers was super duper awesome too.
I think they're very very adorable and cute and I love it when they played Be My Baby!!!
GOT ME CRAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZY and I sang along with them! (: (: (: (:
Pinholes' second set was great too!! I bought their badges too. heh`
I got to take a picture with them as well and that got me elated for the whole night.
I bumped into Ninie too and I got to take a picture with her!
I wanna hang out with you someday! saying hello whenever we bump into each other is not enough okay! :D haha!

I broke my curfew again but I make it up by buying them food! hahahahah!
baik ah, gini aku suke! haaha!

SATURDAY
Batam trip with family was okay.
I don't like being with my mum the whole day because she will start to piss me off with her voice.
but I had a long conversation with Dad. he actually laughed when I make a joke about mum.
I am one happy kid for that moment only.
hahahahaha!
okay boring la batam, I didn't get to do my facial and all I did was eat,eat,eat.
haha!

hanging in the air, hanging in the air.

2009-06-12T14:41:00.004+08:00

TGIF!
I wanted to update about the Flyer outing yesterday but I was so exhausted I slept at 10plus!
hahaha!

School was greaaaaaat as usual. (:
Ms Becky shared with us her cheekiness during her school times and got us laughing like a bunch of mad hyenas!
We got on the flyer! the whole class! can you imagine that?
I love Mr Faris! He's the best teacher ever! Seriously!
and and he even bought us cookies. how sweet can he get huh?!?
and there's project to do.
I haven't even started on my case study!

Pictures are with the rest.
I only have one. HAHA!
with a classmate that reminds me of my favourite person.
somehow, not toally because my favourite person looks so much better. (:
but he left. so too bad huh.

It's the Pinholes tonight and I'm going! (: (:
Anyway, the holidays are here.
Neutral feeling, I still very much enjoy school minus the waking up to the alarm that I will never wake up !!!
I'll miss everyone in school, even the makcik that sells the tasteless mee.
hahahahahah!
okay, I'm going off to meet Indrawati! (:
been ages since I last met her.

nobody moves, nobody will get hurt.

2009-06-09T20:21:00.003+08:00

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH.
I'M PISSED,SHAGGED AND TOTALLY DISORIENTATED.
PROBABLY A SHORT NAP WILL DO.
BUT I JUST REALLY NEED TO DIE AND NEVER TOLERATE WITH INCONSIDERATE MOTHERFUCKERS ANYMORE.

eh wait, those motherfuckers should just go and die.
A wastage of space on this planet Earth.
arghhhhhhhh!
everything just pisses me off now!!!

She moves in her own way

2009-06-08T23:13:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday Fza Dearest,
I miss you so much baby!

school started off really fine. (:
( insert big widest smile ever )
I had breakfast with Atira at Tampines KFC.

and anyway, I'm multitasking between facebook, my CMB project and of course, MSN.
I am totally drained out today.
Had another appointment at KKH today.
and something very very hilarious happened.
& when I got home at 7pm today, I hit the sheets till Desperate Housewives!!!!

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, I swear.
Is there any book on how to deal with awkwardness and forgiveness?
I'm not really a forgiving person nor will it be easy for me to apologise when I truly know that it's not my fault.
I can't say I was never wrong, but some blame rests on you.

Sunday Shopping

2009-06-08T11:29:00.004+08:00

so you know, yesterday was the last day of the Expo Mega Sale, The John Little Sale and I went there along with my 50bucks that mum gave, hoping to find some really good and cheap stuffs.

I went there along with Shefa Love and Atira Baby! :D :D
I miss Shefa so goddamn much so it was a very happy outing!

You know, my favourite thing to buy during sales are BRAS!

The ones that got me screaming to buy them just at the sight of them.
I like pretty bras, somehow made me feel good. like a confident boost or something.
Walking around knowing that I have really pretty bras but nobody can really see them.
haha! I get thrills from it, now you know how pathetic I am. HAHAHA!
& they're essential so there's totally nothing wrong with overloading them in my closet!

I love the creator of bras, well. not exactly the first one who created the metal ones that weighs 1kg but those who thinks that bras need to be fun, beautiful and cute!

& I bought my makeups too.

Now I'm trying Za products.

I don't think Revlon foundation works on me.

So so so, I spent 50bucks yesterday which is very okay because I bought lots of stuffs.

hehe.

Hanged out at Tampines with Atira's friend, Rohit.

& I ate at Food Culture, seafood soup is just so heaveanlyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

I just finished reading, This Is Not A Love Song by Sarahbeth Purcell.
An awesome book!!

so you said, its not okay to be gay but I think you're just evil

2009-06-07T02:35:00.004+08:00

I went to Nart's pit,err, sort of like camping uh. haha! happy birthday girl!
& I had pizzas! heehe!
and met Ira at Tampines with Ferd too.
Hey, Cheer up okay! You know I'm always here for you. (:

He had Burger King for dinner then we walked all the way from Tampines Mall to Bedok Reservoir and since it was already 11pm the night air was chilling.
We kinda talked about a lot of stuffs that's been happening and such.
Somehow reminds me of the movie, Before Sunrise. HAHA!
All those talking and bullshitting about love, friendships and good memories.
& 7 Eleven saves the daaaaaaaaaay! :D
I took 21 home because I'm was so freaking thirsty and I can't be walking home alone right in the dead of the night?
but I broke my curfew and surprisingly, Mum didn't even say a single thing.
hehehe!

& when I got home, I just wanna have a quick bath and have a long talk with Didi but we only talked for awhile and I miss him so much I can barely sleep hence the reason why I'm blogging and care enough to edit here and there.
& I'm done deleting unnecessary files in my computer, it's starting to give me hints that I-might-just-fucking-died-on-you symptoms and I don't want that to happen sia.
babi sia gituuu! I still remember how fucked up I feel over the death of my lovely computer ( yes, you're reading it right. I didn't mean cat if you think otherwise.)
but I think that is only one of the factor that added up to my fucked up feelings.
2008 was a really bad year for me.

It's already 3 am in the fucking morning and I'm not even close to sleepy.
and I have to jog later. =_______________________=

we were the kids, and we were okay

2009-06-04T21:54:00.002+08:00

I forgot what to blog the minute this page load. How wonderful is that!
& tonight, I will toss in bed thinking what to blog about because I know its something I need to let out but I'm a state of nothingness & very dull now. =.=

By the very random way, I'm reading a very nice book. (:
Hooked on the book mannnnn`

OH! I got into the F1 participation.
& I'm already thinking of what to spend on my money.
and I get an experience of a lifetime. ((((((((((((((((((((((:

I miss Didi.
:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

2009-06-03T23:42:00.003+08:00

I fucking hate this household.
I fucking hate this household.
I fucking hate this household.
I fucking hate this household.
Please shut the fuck up, Mum.

you don't know how much I loathe this place.

no easy way to say this

2009-06-02T21:31:00.003+08:00

I skipped school today because of the check up,
it went smoothly and I have another 2 follow up session this month.
=_______=

The more I think about this and how unfair the world is to me, the more I hate my life,
and I don't like to think that my life is a misery. It makes me feel so hateful about life and everything in between.
Furthermore, I know people will still love for the way I am, not what I look like.
and for those who hates me, don't worry. I won't live a long life. Just hope I won't cause you much trouble while I'm still alive. haha!
thats why I have excuses to make people life a living hell. HAHAHAH!

&
sometimes when you blame yourself for something and you kept it as a secret for a very long time, and when someone finally said 'its not your fault',
it totally saves your life. not literally but you get what I mean.

Somethings are too painful to say it out loud, I'll leave the depressing part out.

I went to Bishan to meet Atira,Sisqa and Faree for our CMB project since we wanted to do it today.
Had PepperLunch! hehheh! I've been craving for it for weeks okay!
:D
and I hanged out at Floating Platform with Sisqa, Atira and her bf before we head home.
huhuh` my favourite hangout nowwwwww.

This is how we do

2009-06-01T21:04:00.003+08:00

I'm in need of a shopping spree again.
Seriously, there's nothing to weaaaar now!

Oh school was pretty much the same,
only that I had LPD for 2 periods.
ah, the dutchlady can go fuck a cow and die!

Hanged out with Maine and Shefa today.
We called up Afiqah since a topic about her came about and here is how the conversation goes,
She still call us by our full name, hahahahahah!
and here comes the hilarious part,
Ema: eh, where you schooling now uh?
Afiqah: Oh, aku baru balik Marine Parade.
( at this point, maine,shefa and myself was laughing hysterically)
Ema: aku cakap kau skola mane sekarang?
Afiqah: ah aku dah cakap pe, aku dari marine parade, baru makan dari skola.
Ema/Maine/Shefa: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHJAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Aku tanye kau S-E-K-O-L-A-H maneeee?!
Afiqah: Ohhhh, TP. Business school.

If you were to know this dear of friend, it will be so much funnier than reading this.
hahahahah!

but tomorrow, is gonna be a very depressing day for me.
Shefa knows why.
:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

then she smiled, he got wild

2009-05-31T15:09:00.002+08:00

Saturday was great.
Met Ferd and headed to town then met Shefa&Mira. (:
I miss those two selenger.
I did my eyebrow and walked around.
I hate it when it rains and when there's still humid.
=.-
I wasn't in the mood at first cause I had nothing to wear! grrrrr`

& Today is Sunday.
Jogged with Haikal, Hafez and Dan.
Initially, I wanted to sleep my way through the morning,
but I had a dream that I stood them up and they didn't want to talk to me at all,
funny thing is that they suddenly became my classmates! hahahahahahahahahhaha!
imagine that! I think I'll go crazy in just one day.
but when I woke up at 8plus, I still went along with the plan. :D
plan was to meet up at 9am but since I woke up late, we met at 10am.
had soya bean ( FUHH SEDAP NAK MAMPUS), had otak2 too.
hahah!
and I ate when I got home too at 2pm.
perangai gemuk. ah tahu.

I don't know what to do now, I feel like dozing off on my bed but I wanna watch movieeeeee.
oh! Mum asked if I smoked cause of my lips, I almost wear my cheeky smile but controlled it
and ta-daaa! I told her something else.
die already sia macam gini!

So blue, reminds me of you.

2009-05-29T23:11:00.008+08:00

School was ordinary, I still look forward to school everyday despite the 45 minutes ride back and fro. (:
p.s : this is a bloody good thing because I'm not a fan of waking up since foreveeeeeeeeer.
I love Ira,Atira,Sisqa and Faree. (not in order so you guys know I love you equally okay)

I met didi <33hehehehe`
I have a big crush on him.
HAHAHAH! :D

I wasn't planning on hanging out at Reservoir Park with Sisqa,Nat,Ira and Khairul but
since there's nothing I can do at home, might as well have a massive laugh out session with them all night right?!
& I SAW AQIDAH BABY on my way there.
We literally screamed at the sight of each other at the bus stop and hugged each other tightly!
I misssssssss her like crazy! bahhhh`
and and and of course, hanging out with them was a whole load fun.
I enjoy their company very much, a good way to welcome the weekend!
I get to meet Amalu too since he knew Nat. (:
haha!! what a small world huh?!

I sent my cheeky partner to her Eunos bus stop and I have ciggs nowwww.
yeahyeahyeahs baby! :D
p.s : I'M CASH STRAPPED. NABEI!!!
I FUCKING SPENT MY ALLOWANCE ON FOOD AND CIGGS THIS WEEK.

2009-05-28T23:22:00.003+08:00

School was blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
such a draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag.
and and I met Lynn after school at Toa Payoh.
Ate Chicken Chop. Thanks rezeki!
:D

Headed home together and I saw my abang sedare too. kene panggil gemuk lagi.
geram aje aku!
and and my favourite nephew was there too. hehe` :D
I like the way he talks now, in a cutesy english kinda way.

then I had desert with Afad baby at night and we chilled out for awhile,
catch up with each other and whats' not.
Talked about almost everything that hit us badly recently
You know, I still love you k baby. (:
and I know you still know me as what I am now.
glad you totally understand the whole straightforward thingy.

2009-05-27T21:24:00.002+08:00

I know my hair's horrible but this was few weeks ago,
when my obsession with Walcott just started.
ehehe`
& I hate my eyebaaaaaaaaaaaag.

Sisqa caught a picture of me sleeping with my mouth open & she witnessed me jerking while I'm sleeping in the bus.
Embarassingggggg. I knowwwwwww.

I think today is a very frustrating day for me.
argggggggggggggggggggggggh`
Can I Have A Controller That Controls People's Voices?
Please.
I fucking need to invent it badly.
I want to mute alot of people's voice.

& I hate taking 58 when I'm running late.
I think they should install a fucking air freshners in public transports. I'm so sick of smelling people's morning breath. It's revolting!

2009-05-26T22:07:00.002+08:00

School was fun today. (:
I kinda like Miss Becky, our new CA.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand something hehehe happened today.
wah! aku suke hari hari macam gini, seriously!
hahah!

Met Didi after school.
Had Subway and I miss him very much you know!
and he bought me cookies! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
We hanged out for awhile. (:
Hi B! hah! BOTAK ahhhh k!

Jiran aku bernama Abu,
Rokok aku tinggal satuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

I'm meeting cuzzie tomorrow. hehe`
I miss her so much, I have SO MUCH to tell her and I know she do too!
:D

hardest part

2009-05-26T01:06:00.003+08:00

The hardest part was letting go, not taking part.
The hardest part was to watch you slowly dying inside, fall apart becoming someone whom I've despised so much,
The hardest part was to slowly losing my love for you.
The painful part was not being able to anything to salvage what we had.
what we had is no longer there, not even lingering in that little empty space in your heart.
There is no more lovely ladies for sure.
It just perish, not even leaving us ashes to mourn over it.
IT'S GONE INTO THIN AIR.
Just like a ghost, We are already a ghost of your past. We are already ghosts of each other's past,
only some stays. SOME.
Memories are great when you don't have to deal with the past huh?

You really broke my heart.

I know I clearly said I wanna stop caring but my mind seems to be contradicting me.
You know, I'm not that heartless after all even though I know I'm fucking sarcastic, have fucking big ego of mine that is the barrier of our communication.

If you tell me that this is part and parcel of life, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH because you don't need that fucking shit to make you learn something about a magnificent thing called life!

I'm not really good with emotions now, I'm angry, so furious I can fight off a thousand matreps but at the same time I just feel like sobbing, cry my heart out for all the time you refuse to make choices that will not destroy your life.

what does it takes to make you see that you're heading down hill, to the cliff where you will surely fucking make the biggest mistake of your life. I'm trying to reason myself to stop writing about you, turn my back on you and leaving you alone with your fucking bunch of assholes of friends but am I even consider someone worthy in your life anymore?
Of course, you will remember me as the bitch who doesn't know how to phrase my sentence in a more polite way but fuck it. I say it as what comes to my mind. I don't give a fuck about anything else as long as it goes into your mind. Argh, I don't get you anymore. I don't even know you anymore. Who the fuck are you anyway? Why the fuck am I caring about someone I don't know anymore?!!!

Fuck you.
Fuck you.
I hate motherfucking matreps & minahreps.
You should go and fucking bury yourself a hole and just lepak there waiting to die.
You're a disgrace to the world, you're a piece of shit not worthy of anything else in the world.
you motherfucking assholes, all you fucking do is making a mess of yourself and portraying a fucking bad image for yourself.
fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

2009-05-24T15:09:00.002+08:00

Actually we didn't do much on our project, just digressing from msn to hate tagging and 'you spin my head right round right round'. HAHAHAHAHA!
*inside joke*

I met Afad for awhile too.
I don't know what to say to you anymore okay.

& I should have met Shefa after meeting up with them.
I got so worried sick that I can't even sleep till shefa left an empty message.
-.-

I don't know what else to say anymore uh.
I miss Lovely Ladies but not so much because I'm still so furious about certain matters.
What else can I conclude anymore other than the fact that we have all gone our own ways.
there's no such word as forever.
Good things come to an end so that better things could come together.
just pray that you'll find a better us somewhere along the way.
probably someday, we'll get together and spend the day like the good old days when boyfriends can just burn in hell or when your fucking friendster are not even worthy to talk about. but that someday is gonna be a very very long time.

forget it, I don't want to make my heart burn anymore.
whatever it is, I know what I'm saying.
stop try to fucking control what I'm saying here.

2009-05-22T23:59:00.001+08:00

I was sleepy the whole day and we had NAFA test. =.=
After a nap at home, I met Dan,HUD HARIZ WONG YUN FENG,Iskandar and Rizal at Century to catch NATM2. Shefa was there too! (:
Hilarious movie, go catch it! I'll rate it 4/5 !
too bad Maine didn't make it.
Had Pie Kia then Haikal came.
and met up with Khairul and Hazira too.
and I didn't paitao anyone today!
hahah!

Chilled at Tampines then Reservoir and Mail and the rest came too.
I hate frogs. argh. I won't say it here, too disturbing.
& I saw An too. (:
wah! what a day to celebrate the weekend huh?
I enjoy this night aloooot!!
and actually its Sunday now, only that I'm posting it on Friday. HAHAHA!

I miss Shefa

2009-05-21T21:14:00.002+08:00

I saw something on the class list.
'I've spoken to number 16,22 regarding their tardiness'

HAHAHA! and in case you're wondering, that's me and Ira's register number.
and we're always late and its always because of food.
hahahahahah!

I met Haikal Boy Bawang again today after his last counseling session with his friend,
and ate at Rasa2 with Shefa as well.
I miss her like fuck sia.
She's probably the one who knows who I am, who I'm not and who I'll turn out to be. (:
Hanged out at home too and I can't wait to meet her again on Saturday.
& I miss talking to Paii too. Hi, kau dah hilang.
:((((((((((((((((((((((((
sometimes, I still wish it was the holidays because I get to talk to you every night till the sun rises but I guess things can't just go on like that huh?

bye, I wanna watch American Idol again.
HAHAHAH!

2009-05-20T21:17:00.002+08:00

It's Wednesday, the middle of the week.
=.=

I'm missing people now. Everyone whom have touched my heart, leave an impact in life and helped me shape who I am now.
It's a pity when you bump into your old friends and you don't even feel like saying hello, like you turn away and look into another direction just so you want to avoid the awkwardness since you don't spend much time together anymore or probably since you guys don't see eye to eye and you know, you have different perspective on how you see the world.
Who isn't guilty of that huh? I admit, I am guilty of that too because I think I won't know what to say anymore and probably it's just not the right time to say hello.

People change, People change.
I like changes, I can adapt to it.
Change is something new and it helps you explore and discover something new about yourself.
but isn't it very pathetic to change just for someone you love?
if its a good change, then of course its something positive,
but if its causing yourself and all around you to suffer in silence watching you change into a wretch is just very very pathetic.
I don't like people like that, people like you.
I got disgusted thinking about it. It's a very disdainful act. I hate it.
and probably that's the reason why I've stopped missing you.

I hope someday you will realise that probably you need to get a grip of yourself,
love yourself wholeheartedly before you can actually love someone else wholeheartedly.
sometimes, you need to be a little selfish in order to stay in the game.
That's just how Life is. DEAL WITH IT.

2009-05-19T20:50:00.003+08:00

Today isn't a wonderful day.
I had trouble waking up but I did after being subconsciously aware that I'm probably late for school. My mum is of no use in waking me up because I found her dozing off when I went for my bath.
School was alright I guess, apart from being insanely hyper in CMB and I had chin chow twice!
uhhhh, Pastamania at TM with Didi was fun too, I guess because I finally fulfilled my cravings since 38472783 weeks.

Hanged out and I got home by 7pm, I think.
I got mad with him at one point but I cooled down already now.
Don't worry okay Botak! haha!
When I got home, frustrated and angry and really exhausted, I can really turn into a very nasty person.
& thats when I got really mad with my mum.
She's just being her plain unreasonable, not being understanding that I just got home from a really bad day and adding on the pressure on me by telling me that I should appreciate having a mother like her and I shouldn't even spend my scholarship money on my new specs!
HAH!
I shouldn't even have told her about it but she kept bugging me about the bursary thingy.
=________________________________=
I almost cried just now because she really pisses me off.
It came to a point whereby I just shouted at her to leave me alone.

uh, forget it.
I'm okay now.
I need time on my own.

2009-05-18T20:58:00.003+08:00

I hanged out with Ferd,Dan and Hafez on Sunday at reservoir park.
It was cooling at night, till the point I had to pee four times.

I came to school late again today because I simply couldn't bear to leave my wonderful dream. :((((
and I went home early today because I cannot tahan already.
The only thing I can think of is MY JAMBAN.
& I had a great nap after that.

p.s : I Miss You.

The best

2009-05-17T00:19:00.005+08:00

Today is probably one of the best Saturdays I ever had for some time now. (:
Had Maine over at my house and set off for the wonderful day ahead to Flea Market at Tanglin Mall with Haikal. It was a long walk from the train, should have taken 7 !!
But I bought a bag and another shoe ( insert a big wide smile here ) but its with Haikal. :((((((((

Met Shefa and we ate at Sakura! (: yay!
and went to watch soccer over at SG flyer.
I wanted to watch the MotorCross thingy but we came late so the next great thing was the big screen but I'm very sad now because Walcott baby didn't win.
its okay baby, I still love you. You will always be in my wallet!
I met with Ira and we did what we always do! hehe. If you know what I mean eh people. haha!
( insert cheeky smiles )
and Shahiddin, I like the name Fatimah but Ema sounds waaaay better! :P

& I had to walk alone to meet the rest at Marina for their late dinner.
Headed home by 11.10pm with Ferd and I got home by curfew.

& it beats the whole purpose of you trying to find your own happiness when you have to think about what others might feel about your decision.
shouldn't your happiness lies in your own bloody hands?
its so complex sometimes. how all these things work and you keep pondering about them all night long without finding a single solution or coming up with a simple theory.
I'm tired, really tired of thinking,pondering,contemplating & musings.
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee`

Fireball & I'm love with Thailand hotties!

2009-05-15T22:12:00.004+08:00

Movie was superb because I love the fighting scene & the hotties!
I can just melt in the cinema, sinking into the seat just by watching them!
I spent my Friday afternoon with Didi! (:
He was being an irritant because he won't let me win my game but I enjoy my day with him.
I am completely, head over heels with the two boys in the above pictures.
I found my 3rd and 4th hubby already.
I can die a very happy girl now.
well, not exactly.
I wanna spend my date with best friend tomorrow then I can die a happy person.
p.s : I'll still keep my heart guarded, I feel bare when I let my guard down.

& I just finish watching another lesbian movie, the incredibly true adventures of two girls in love!
Should watch it but I much prefer the cheerleader movie.
Randy is so fucking hot! I wanna have a girlfriend like her!!!
someday someday someday! :D :D

& I feel like colouring my text because my blog is so plain.

2009-05-14T20:33:00.003+08:00

I had Macdonalds for breakfast with Ira at AMK at 10am which meant WE SKIPPED OFA because two hours without the Internet connection spelt MUNDANE on our forehead.
& I lost my thumb drive so it was pretty much annoying to attend it without the essential stuffs.
Had a long fun talk with Ira, my partner in crime for almost anything. ( insert cheeky smile !! )
School was per normal, very enjoyable and filled with fun and laughter's and random stuffs to laugh at!

I met Haikal after school because he had a smoking counselling at Bishan so of course we caught up with the loss times. Hi Sachek Butterfly! wohooo! U sek ah nari! HAHAHAHHA!
Terima Kasih for the treat at MOS burger, the rouding about at Junction 8, the fag and also for sending me home! muhahahaha!
I was pratically laughing all the way through the bus ride because of the stupid pranks in his phone!! Thats what I call a true blue prankster! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

This is for Ira in Wonderland! :D :D :D

2009-05-13T22:36:00.004+08:00

Please stop breathing down my neck.
You're suffocating me and I'm on the brink of just losing it all.
I really really can't stand restriction,confinement and control freaks!!!
The more you restrict, the more I rebel.
Oh yes, I'm not interested in whatever shit you believe in, sorry to disappoint.

I just lost my fucking thumb drive and I left my fucking earpiece in OFA class.
cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute or what!?!!
:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

& I'm having breakouts. :S

can my day just get any worse?!

2009-05-11T21:09:00.002+08:00

As you know, I love being in the limelight.
well, not often that it happens but I grab the chance when I get to do that!
hahahaha!
That was last Saturday by the way.

I didn't have any Monday Blues because I woke up half an hour after 8am which was Ramu's lesson and its probably because I didn't hang up the phone till 3plus am!
School was alright today but I took the train home and I met my best friend.
We hanged out at my house till Shefa went off.
I miss you very much you know, bestfriend.
We are gonna have a bestfriend date this Saturday okay.
Flea Market ! Flea Market ! Flea Market !

There's another thing I wanna say here.
Be careful who you love.
It might just turn into someone you hate for the rest of your life even when that person really isn't as bad as you think they are.
Just because they do things that might hurt you deeply doesn't mean they are a despicable person.

I personally have encountered it and when you finally realised the whole damn thing,
you kinda regret hating that person because almost all of the time, love doesn't goes the way you want it and in the end, it doesn't matter if what she/he did to you. What matter the most is that
you learn from the lesson, grow stronger and move on to become a better person with a broader insight of what love truly means to you.

Sadly, I haven't figure the last part out yet, probably not the time yet because to cure and mend my heart is hard, really hard. I'm not willing to take that risk of putting myself in a position when I'm very vulnerable of getting hurt. Probably I've gotten too egoistic to love someone because of some personal matters that I don't wish to write here.

bye, I think I wrote too much but I need to let fragments of my opinions out here.
Long bus rides makes me think too much and makes me come up with lots of theories of life,friendships and whatsoever.
There's more to come.
If you're an avid reader, thank you for reading.

Plays pretty for baby

2009-05-10T14:30:00.003+08:00

Saturday

1st outing with IEI, unfortunately only 3 of us managed to come, out of the usual 10.
There were only Ira,Atira&Bf and Me initially at Town and I had my favourite food, Hokkien Mee but I didn't even finish half of it. :S

Chilled at Starbucks, Esplanade and Kokwei came !!!! :D :D :D : D :D
hahaha! and so did Sisqaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
& then, ate at Marina Square and I finally bumped into Yus!!
dah macam girl girl now with his long hair. hahahahah!
Oh! here come the highlight of the night.

We witnessed a drowned accident over at Clarke Quay.
Atira said that he was already dead when the rescuers came because he was already very still and cold.
Umm, I don't know.
but its kinda depressing to be dead when you're drunk you know.
You drink to enjoy or to get rid of your stress and unhappiness but you end up waking up in Hell. (if you ever believe in Hell/Heaven anyway)
& I was having a series of headaches & stomachaches along the way.
The train ride home wasn't very enjoyable either because of the fragrance ranging from the spectrum of all races sweating because of the hot weather and so after enduring the 30 minutes ride home, I finally expelled my vomit under my void deck and I'm sorry to the bicycle owner.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

My fags are with Iraaa.

Mothers' day was something I'm looking forward to but Mum,Dad and Brother went to Malacca.
I wonder whats so great about the place.
& Mum called and ordered me around to clean up the house and talked to me like I don't need any basic respect from her. Hi Mum, I'm still human you know.
but happy Mother's day to you, I know what kind of mother I'll be, nothing like you.
but I can't thank you enough for bringing me up and teaching me things in life that you won't probably realise it because I learn from your mistakes but please, I need to make mistakes myself and learn the hard way about life. That's when I feel most human. Give me some space. Please.

I wanna a movie now, 'but I'm a cheerleader'. hahah!
Its a lesbian comedy and I think I'm so into these kind of movies,
those indie movie whereby they don't make it as a blockbusters but is still so awesome.
but before that, I wanna smash my bloody phone to a bloody wall right now.
& did I tell you that I have received countless of calls asking for some Indian guy?
the typical one,

Man : ah halo. Rajesh ah?
Me: ah?
Man: Rajesh! Rajesh! ( tamil language)
Me: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA ( hang up )

or the more usual presistent one.
Woman : Raj ! ( tamil language that goes on for 10secs )
Me : wrong number, sorry.
Woman : Who are you?
Me: Somebody on Earth thats not whoever you're calling.
Woman: blabbering.....
and I hung up.

=________________________________________________=

Good day.

Conversations has run dry

2009-05-08T19:57:00.004+08:00

Something really embarassing happened to me.
I felt like I'm the worst meanest bitch ever, EVER.
I'm so sorry, sorry sorry sorry.
I'm so sorry.
gah` I can't stop thinking about it.
I just hope I get over it and you're still willing to talk to me.
If I were you, I'll be biting my head off.
but I'm truly sorry. :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

& I'm having PMS.

Bloody Thursday

2009-05-07T21:56:00.004+08:00

I met Didi after school. (:
yeah, hello Didi! makan babi eh!
AHAHAHAHAH!
but I didn't go lepak with Akam.
uh sorry ah.

I'm tired now & very off now.
I've wrote enough shit elsewhere till I have nothing nice to say here.

Suddenly, I'm becoming a part of your past,
I'm becoming a part that don't last.
I'm losing you and its effortless.
I terribly bitterly missing you very much.
, you know how much effort it takes not to think about this.
Go figure.
ha-aha.

your crying makes me miss my favourite part.

2009-05-06T21:00:00.004+08:00

School had been great so far this week,
actually I didn't even noticed that its already halfway to the weekend which meant that I'm enjoying schoool!
& finally, I got hold of the EZLINK CARD! yes uh!
But I think all of us have really terrible photos!!
& suddenly, I'm reminded of Ira's picture! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
but all that matters is that I don't have to worry about topping up my ezlink card every week!

I got my shoes as well, thank you Mum! :D
& also, A 19 years old Didi just got a lecture from my 15 years old sister just now.
I'm still laughing about it! HAHAHAHHAH!
oh by the way, I MISS DIDI. I rinduuuu you banyak-banyak! hahahahahahah`
I declare already so you know, be proud okay!

Monday Blues, AGAAAIN

2009-05-04T22:53:00.003+08:00

I don't like Mondays.
I don't like homework.
I don't like my brother.
I don't like feeling inadequate, not equivalent to what you are because I know,
I am so much better than what you make me up in your mind.
& today, I got to know something.
A very very sweet revenge.
ha-ahahah-ha!
what goes around comes around.
It might seem that where I study isn't as wonderful as yours,
but where I am now is a much more blissful and honest place than where you will ever be in your life.

Running In Circles

2009-05-03T22:13:00.002+08:00

you know how certain things triggers memories? probably an old song or probably you came across a picture or even a message on Friendster. Probably something close to the heart, something you don't usually talk it out to your friends, things that you wouldn't want everyone to know but you just got to let it out somehow, drowning it in alcohol or just pen it down in a piece of paper but just end up throwing it away ensuring no one will never know what's the content is all about. I'm sorry for the person I've became but it's better this way.

I'm safe, up high.

2009-05-03T17:02:00.003+08:00

Saturday`

I met Didi at 134 bedok reservoir road at 3somethingpm.
I smiled and grin widely that day, I don't know why.
Probably because I wore my favourite dress and my hair looks pretty! :D
We took the bus to bugis and I did my eyebrow, like finaaaaaaally!

Ate at Subway agaaaaaaaaaaain so horraay ! :D I <33>

If you're into funny movie, go watch Jangan Tegur. I think they should change the genre of the movie from horror to comedy. nak step exorist aje. ahah!
but I gotta admit, I did scream one part because it was a little shocking. hahahaha!
and I finally get to meet Afad baby after so longgg! (:
oh & Didi sent me home too so thank you! (: haha!

& Happy Birthday to My dearest cousin.
My favourite of them all, FERA! haha! okayokay, It's Lynn. (:
May you have a blissful birthday and I'll pray that you'll be showered with wealth and love.
:D
I miss you!

2009-05-03T00:00:00.002+08:00

Those things you try to hold on to, things you try to remember are the things you end up losing.
& those everything you try to forget or throw away, they stay with you annoying following you in every corner.

I'll blog something decent here later.
too tired already.
anyway, I enjoy my date with Didi today. (:
yay!

2009-05-01T23:21:00.004+08:00

Friday I'm in loveeeee! (:
Headed to town with my best friend in the whole wide world, Shefaaaaaaaaaa!
She's one of the few who knows me inside out and have seen me at my best and my worst and I love her very much!
I saw Iraaaaaa today! haha! cute siak!

We waited for Ferd for I don't know how long and because of him, we missed the bloody show.
=_______________=
but its alright cause at least we have got company! (:
Thank you Ferd!
Subway for dinner and on the way back home, met up with my two favourite guy friends, Danny and Hafez!!!! Seriously, they always make my day/night! :D
I was supposed to meet them now at Bedok Reservoir Park to go fishing but then my dad think that I have to be a guy in order to do so.
how shallow-minded can my parents be huh?

I miss Didi Walcott very much uhhhh! haha! :D

but I'm meeting him tomorrow so yeah yeah yeah!
Ema sukeeeeeeeee! hahahaha!

2009-04-28T21:26:00.004+08:00

yo momma. haha! aku taknak kacau kau lagi lah. heh.

see! that's Iraaaa! She sleeps all the time! haha!
but she's adorable okaaay! :D :D hehe
We had this Principal talk at McPherson.
Apparently, none of us did pay any attention.
and see what we're all up to!
HAHAHAH!

but Sisqa and me were on the lookout for ridiculous people so we could laugh at them!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
'eh kerusi nak roboh! nak robohhh!!!!!!!!' HAHAHAH!

Went home early and I took a little nap before meeting Khairul and Aqidah at Tampines Starbucks.
gahhh! I miss them so much and it feels so much better to be around them just now. (: (:
I wanna have an outing with my awesome 401s! ASAP!

Monday Blues

2009-04-27T19:51:00.010+08:00

Layhan cuuuuute! hahah!

but Ema is so much more adorableeeeeeeee! hehe!

" Hi, nie Shefa. I love Ema very much because she is one in gazillion. Eh Ema! Eh Ema! Eh Ema!"
HAHAHAHAHAHA!

A happy Monday for everyone! (:
I had a thumping headache yesterday night and it got worse when I woke up this morning.
I was feeling terrible for the 1st period!
but after I ate something and ate lots of sweets, I got better even having a sugar rush for the rest of the day.
Probably because I didn't eat anything for lunch and dinner (a sushi roll doesn't count for a lunch).

Sunday was a trip to the Library with my bestfriend, been quite awhile since we really get the chance to really talk and you know, talk about everything under the sun.
& blog without pictures are so dull so here they come! yeahyeahyeahs!

& I have a new obsession,
WalCott.
ah nak kahwin gn die but I already promised someone I'll marry him. hehe!
uh takpe ah, I can marry up to 4 husbands but ehem ehem will be my top priority, don't worry eh! WalCott is my 2nd hubby. & I'm still on the search for my 3rd and 4th! HAHAHA!

Yes! He's staring at my sexy tongue and I know he wants it! HAHAHHAHAHA
baby! I sayang youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

homefleaclubmarket

2009-04-26T01:37:00.003+08:00

Saturday was my date with Didi! (:
Met at my bus stop! yes yes! ^^ and headed to makan at his Mum's place.
& I finally caved in to my shopping needs at HomeClub's Fleamarket.
I bought lots of stuffs and everything is so bloody cheap!!!
and also, we chilled out by the river watching people took the G-max ride.
I WANNA TRY IT SOMEDAY!

by 9, we headed to the Chalet. (:
I wasn't quite comfortable at first cause I only knew a few people there
but they were very friendly! yay!
I got home by 12.30am.
wohooo! curfew naik agaknye. best pe!
HAHA!

the sad thing is that I didn't take any pictures today because I didn't feel pretty. :S
the happy thing is that I enjoy today very much because of si botakhead tu. hehe. thank you uh!
but I'm sad again because I'm left with only $2.20! I should have just spent the remaining money!
&
&
&
I just lost it. It's confirmed. That is the saddest thing that can ever happen to a human being.

I couldn't act like you but I can love like you do

2009-04-25T15:54:00.002+08:00

I sayang them alot and you would probably know it by now.
<333!>

from the inside

2009-04-24T21:24:00.005+08:00

I just backspaced a whole fucking shit of anger.
It still irks me but you know, why the fuck would I express it here?
I still have to censor some parts, might as well do it in my private blog.
you will die of horror from the content. hahah!
still, I'M SORRY SHERA FOR BEING RUDE TO YOU ON MSN JUST NOW.
but I still think I don't have an attidue.
& Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. Embrace it.
You have to analyze everything one more time.
and analyze everything you heard from her and me.
wait, I didn't even have the chance to explain what happened.
you just shoot it as soon as you said you miss me. how sweet is that.
takpe lah eh, memang dah biase.

to make things clear, I blog to express how I feel.
Respect how I feel here. Feelings can only be felt by one person and thats me.
not you, You can't decide how I should feel on certain issue because apparently,
you don't have any tiny bit of a clue of how much anger I held inside now.
I can backspace things I've wrote which I think I might regret.
I can delete a whole chunk of bullshits after I feel better just typing it down.
You don't have a clue of how it feels but I'm sure some blogger feel the goddamn same way.
Evidently, it's still public but I wear my heart on my sleeve.
That's how some humans are.
Some human are so bloody flattered when people praised them in their own blog
but they got so upset when some just express their unhappiness and make a big fucking fuss about it.
Humans don't like it when their dirty linen are hanged by another person for everyone to see,
but they can still portray themselves as the very same person they despised.
thats human for you.

And I can't just pretend nothing happened.
It's so enormous I think I spend most of my time stoning on this.
haha! just when I say I don't care anymore with them.
how contradicting humans can be.
humans humans humans.
Time will tell, but she has already made her choice.
I'm not happy with her choice and if you are, then just share it with someone who feels the same way as you but good luck in finding one.

On a brighter note, It's Friday.
And school is fun.

you know I like it loud

2009-04-23T23:58:00.000+08:00

Do you remember when we didn't care?
We were just the kids that took the moment when it was there.
Do you even remember you at all?
I refuse to make believe and comfort myself anymore.
Time will tell but you know by the time it comes, I don't think I'm here anymore.
People change just that I don't change as radical as you.
I just have a big deep hatred for your fucking asshole of a boyfriend.

School today was great. has always been great because I have fabulous friends.
but I skipped Business Environment cause I did my nails with Ira!
HAHAH!
& hanged out with Maine, Shefa and Danny after school. Didi joined us soon after.

My afternoon entertainment was tremendously full of laughter, enough to bring me to tears and almost made me pee in skirt! You know how ridiculous jokes they can make up and how the simplest thing can make us laugh so hard that my jaw aches so much now.

then I had two showers since the last 3 hours, that shows how hot the night is.

Im so shagged now, bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye.
nak baring ah kat katil aku, dah emergency call.
mesti kene layan nye!

2009-04-22T21:24:00.003+08:00

They are always the best!! I sing along to them anytime, anywhere.

School's always so tiring, I wish I could pull Bishan closes to Bedok Reservoir, so close that I will only have to take the lift from my house. HAHAHA!
but I hate Wednesdays because there's only an hour lunch!

& I'm saving money too which is a good thing because I should really stop gorging myself with life's delights but food is the love of my life!
I wanna be thin, thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin thin!

Let's just say I need time to think about myself and only me.
Nothing else matters for this time being, I need to feel good about myself before I can be nice to other people.

you'll never change what's been and gone

2009-04-21T21:58:00.002+08:00

I woke up late this morning because I couldn't bare to leave my beautiful dream!!
& met Didi at Bishan Interchange after school and hanged out with Atira&bf.
sanggup eh turun Bishan Didi! hahah!

He also accompanied me to print some stuffs so terima kasih pakcik pasal jumpe tadi!
& I finally got my Internet. (: HORAYY!

& here's the very sad thing.
I think I just lost a very precious friend.
The one very close to my heart, the one whom I spent my childhood with.
You're just throwing it all away, just like that huh.
You don't even bother to tell me that you don't consider me as friend.
by not telling the whole truth is torturing me even more than covering it with lies after lies.
You know I rather hear the truth than be in a fucking denial.
I don't enjoy being in that mode.
& also, I am able to face up to reality no matter how fucked up it is.
& by keeping your silence shows that you don't give a damn about this.
bye uh.
I don't want to cry now.
I don't want to feel that I never did enough or I should have done more.
I gave my all, my best in this friendship, you know it very well.
There's nothing I can do or say at this point of time.
I need you to tell me the truth, you know I'll do that for you.
Or is it just a waste of time uh?

goodnight.

2009-04-19T14:57:00.002+08:00

I hate it when my Internet is down or WHEN SOMEBODY HAPPILY WENT TO INDONESIA WITHOUT PAYING THE BILLS LEAVING ME DEPRIVED OF THE BLOODY CYBER WORLD!

I have to wait till my dearly uncle to come home in few days time and settle it.
I'm so gonna kill him!!

A lot had happened within the last week, too much to fill you in.
You'll get bored of me ranting every single thing that happened to me, just like you're reading this now. YOU MUST BE SO GODDAMN BORED RIGHT?!!!

Being in ITE for a week now kinda opened my eyes to a lot of stuffs.
Surely, I admit. I have never imagined myself walking through the gates of the ITE campus with school uniforms but now, it doesn't seems to matter anymore where I am.
What's important is that I make the best times out of this, which I will!
but of course, It will be hard to see the others get into their fucking poly,
but I will be there too and so much more prepared for it as well.
Right now, I am all set for my event management course!
so bloody excited! YAY!

Weekend was mundane.
Saturday was a bloody hot sunny day my armpit could flood the whole town.
HAHAHAHHAHAHA!
Ate pastamania, TWICE! all thanks to my dearest Shefa.
Met Aceh and the rest and hanged out at Istana Park, Oh! I saw Natt! haha!
If it weren't for them, both of us would have gone home at 8pm okay!
I slept at 6am today because I talked to Didi! HAH!

p.s : I'm in a bloody C.C computer room because I need to print some stuffs as well and use the Internet!!

tag replies !!!
to Alin; haha! yes yes yes! :P dulu aku slalu complain rmbut aku nak panjang pe! ahah!
to Jannah; sorry girl, I went to Malacca laah. haah!
to Veron; Diam eh, nanti aku gunting konek kau! HAHA!
to Elfac; haha!thank you once again! :D suresure! meet up soon! :D :D
to Ella; Suprisingly, ME TOO! haha :D
to Kyn; okay sure! :D
to I'm CR's wife : hahah! okay lahh. eh sape nie ah ah ah? hahaha!
to Haikaaal; HAH! aah lahhhhhh abeh?!!

See you in a few days' time, or even next week.
=____________________=

1st.

2009-04-13T16:47:00.002+08:00

My 1st day of school in Bishan was alright I guess.
It was a little intimidating but things got better as the day goes by.
I'm still trying to be comfortable with the new environment.
Well, I suppose everything is going fine but I hate my timetable!
especially Mondays! I end school at 5pm.
=_________________________________=

I'm having Burger Ramly and heading off to have a little nap before I start studying Maths.
Good day people.

& its starting all over again.
The excitement and the sugar rush!
It will be fun but in 3 months' time, everything will be dull and a bore. but maybe not!
but probably if it goes more fun and interesting of course I'll stay!
:D
& I'm not talking about school.

Melacca Trip.

2009-04-13T16:35:00.003+08:00

I will never go Melacca, probably for a very long time.
1st day was full of =___________________________=
Dad took us to the gazillion museums talking about Hang Tuah and bla bla bla.
I can't be bothered after the 2nd trip,
played arcade there. HOUSE OF THE DEAD 4!
I spent 20RM there. and had 3,4 rounds of that bloody game.
yeahhhhhhh!

& 2nd day was a little bearable though Mum was having mood swings even my dad got annoyed.
but it was alright since the last time we went on a vacation as a family is back in 2007 in KL.
mundane and I reached Singapore by around 10pm on a Sunday morning by which I have school the next day.
I miss everyone here. (:
& I never buy anything for you people from Melacca, there's nothing nice also.

& I didn't even have a decent picture over there.
wasn't in the mood to take pictures even though my sister does.
this is what happens when I get hot,sweaty and sleepy.
I turn into an ugly monsteeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!
& I didn't even had dinner!

2009-04-10T23:45:00.004+08:00

the best mum in the whole wide world. She's my aunt but I love her alot. (:

tengok orang belakang, step tahu main aje. tengok orang depan, lagi macam paham! HAHA!

I sent off my aunt and the rest to Indonesia. so BLOODY JEALOUS. but I FORCED my uncle to buy me the stuffs that I wanted, I even bluetoothed it to him so yeahyeah! :D

Headed to Cine to watch Taken. AWESOME MOVIE. A must watch for action thriller lover! :D
& I played the guitar againnnn, (: ! and I played street fighter with Lynn. I beat her at it.
Had Dinner at Pastamania as well, thanks Lynnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. Love you!!!

& I'm heading off to Melacca tomorrow, for one night only. Mum manipulated me! arghh!
She knows the most annoying way to irritate me in the most inconvenient time to ask me about this.
I was sound asleep when I heard her voice and she was shaking me a little bit, asking if I wanted to go Melacca. I was feel groggy and blur and at the moment, I value my sleep more than anything else in the world and of course I said ah okay, whatever whatever. okayokayokay!.
and by the time I realised what happened, she already booked the ticket!!!!!!!
so I will have to endure TWO DAYS OF CONSTANT NAGGING AND UTTER NONSENSE.
DEAR SELF, BE STRONG.
hahahaha!

BLONDE JOKE.
A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"

The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

2009-04-09T22:43:00.005+08:00

I suck at it. HAHA

I have stop procrastinating already and headed to school to collect my testimonial.
I met up with Yan too and HE DIDN'T WENT TO SCHOOL. cheebye ah kau.
perangai tak pernah berubah.
& hanged out with them for little while before headed off to Somerset to meet Shanney
and Aqidah. (:
Had Pastamania and play guitar before watchingggg VROOM VROOM!
FAST AND FURIOUS 4.
I love fast cars, I love racing, I love the movie! :D

I had to leave after the movie because Mum wanted to get my school shoes. =.-
but I got the dress I've set my eye on Monday.
^^ I had to get that dress, I even dreamt about it okay!

& I'm still contemplating whether I should just follow the plan of going to Melacca but my sister ain't gonna be there so probably I have to entertain my annoying beruk ( brother).
Initally, I don't wanna go because this is my golden opportunity to thon and bring my friends home and get wasted! ^^ haha!
but I haven't been to Melacca and I wanna have a feast before school kicks in.
I don't know uh.

Oh! Somebody wants to treat me to the movies.
Eh Bila Bila Bilaaaaaa?!
I'm free anytime. (:

was it worth the time to rise?

2009-04-08T18:47:00.002+08:00

I've been in this walls of hell for two straight days already.
Its not like the normal quiet time whereby I can find peace with my own self.
now, everything is going haywire and screaming session will start by the time I open my eyes.
It seems unfair how everyone could have misjudge you by what you produce in a cert.

I don't think my mum has gotten over my results or the fact that I've been posted to ITE.
hey mum! guess what? I haven't fucking gotten over my results too.
You push the blame on me on everything, EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN THING.
You link my behaviour to my failure as well.
The fact that I fail my major exam doesn't have any single thing to do why I stay up late at night.
Plus, I don't see a reason why you would flew into a rage just because I can't sleep.
You don't force a person to sleep. You don't.
You're totally unreasonable.

and further more, it would be nice if you were to have some basic respect for me, as your own bloody daughter.
a basic respect as a human, and also as someone who inherited your DNA.
I'm breaking the ice, the coldness between the two of us but you can't seem to let down your ego and compromise with me.
YOU REFUSES TO ADMIT THAT I NEED SOME UNDERSTANDING FROM YOU.
I don't care anymore if you don't want to appreciate what I have done within my means to be a good daughter in this house.
I don't care anymore if you don't even say a word of thanks when I kept the house neat and tidy.
All I need from you is to stop screaming at me like I'm some bloody criminal being testified in court.

On a lighter note, I am okay now. I don't feel the need to sob anymore.

It's my sister's birthday.
Happy Birthday Sister.
You used to be one annoying monkey,
but hey! I love you now.
Sleep in a better position okay, I hate it when you slap me when you're dreaming.
I hate it even more when you kick me in the stomach yesterday.
but I had my revenge by laughing at you and telling everyone how you sleep every night.
I wish your future husband all the best & a piece of advise, get someone like Abah so when you kick him accidentally, he would still continue sleeping!
HAHAH!

2009-04-07T22:01:00.002+08:00

I love her so much in Grease!

2009-04-06T23:10:00.002+08:00

I bought a Volcom bag with Shefa today!
Ate Subway for dinner, her treat! :D sayang si bodoh tu! haha!
& I haven't bought my shoes for school.
cb cb cb cb cb cb cb cb cb cb.
We were a little lethargic but still, we had lots of fun!

My ezlink's running loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow! :S

I am in love with James Morrison.

2009-04-05T23:08:00.003+08:00

New blogskin again.
haha!
I change skins a lot more than usual people.
Probably I'll change again.
for now, I wanna lie in bed and listen to James Morrison till somebody(s) call.

Sunday is very boring,
I hate Sunday.

2009-04-05T21:09:00.003+08:00

What was the worst feeling you last felt?

Loneliness.

Who's your bestfriend?

Shefa & Maine.

Are you in a good mood right now?
I'm a little dull today.

Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone for over an hour?

I can't remember.

Who is the last person that called you?

Shave-ah! haha!

What made you angry today?

My brother.

Has a boy/girl ever called you babe/baby?

aahaha. yeah yeah!

Are you afraid of falling in love?

No but I can't be bothered to fall in love.

Have you held hands with anybody in the past week?

hehe. :D :D

Biggest annoyance in your life right now?

BOYS= Babi! Oi! You Sucks!

Name some things you would NOT tolerate in a relationship?

NOT BEING HONEST ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND CONTROL FREAKS.

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?

Yeah, but I'm trying my best to forgive a little by little now.

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
Hell yeah. :D and I'm thankful for that.
8 months ago, I thought I can't speak to him forever but things are better now.

What's something you really want right now, be honest?

New specs.

Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?

Of course, I'm in need of a new environment too.

Are you taller than your mom?

hah. YES YES YES!!!!

Do you think you are a good person?

I am a good person, in my own ways. hahaha!

Do you believe that you can change for someone?

If I want to and if that person is worth the change but for now, nobody is.

Describe your life for the past month in one word?

Hectic but a whole lot awesome!

Does your ex hate you?
We have a great friendship now that we've broken up. (:

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a F?

faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~~~haha!

Would you get married if you could right now?

No. Not even for a thousand million dollars. ( well maybe if he's dying in 2 days )

How did you feel when you woke up today?

Blurry and still sleepy.

Have you told anybody you loved them and meant it?

Yes. My bestfriends.

What's worse?: liars or cheaters?
Both.

If you had to drink one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?

GREEN TEA!

Whats one food you could eat everyday for the rest of your life?

Chicken

How many cousins do you have?

4. those who I actually regard them as.

Would you date someone 5 years older than you?
How about 8 years younger?! I'll totally date Izzat !!! :D :D

What's your relationship with the person you last texted?

I choose her over the sun. Shefaa! (:

What movie do you really want to see right now?

Fast & Furious 4 !!

Where are your siblings?

Hailing down at my feet. All Hail Ema! All Hail Ema! ALL HAIL EMA! hahahaha!

When's the last time you cried?

2nd April. THE WHOLE FUCKING DAY.

Moon and the moon.

2009-04-05T00:27:00.004+08:00

I made cookies for Afad. (:
Headed to his chalet and I miss those times I spent with him,
the I-am-just-a-normal-kid kinda thing.
but now, its totally different.
but that's how things goes in life I think.
Everyone was there, EVERYONE but except Bella and Fza.
I hate possessive boyfriends. go and die. eat shit before that. shove your brain in your ass as well.
It's your fucking best friend's birthday and you fucking didn't attend it because of that ''LOVELY BOYFRIEND OF YOURS.''
how loving is that. awwwwwwwww.
:)
how magical, how amazing love is.
how fucked up one can be too.
how..ergh. I couldn't care less anymore but I'm so bothered by how stupid/naive girls nowadays can be.

& I went to Ferd's chalet as well.
Familiar faces and I just had small talks with them before we headed home.
I'm on the phone with Maine now, Shefa hang up because she's hungry. haha.

A better day!

2009-04-04T00:04:00.002+08:00

http://emamama.multiply.com/

Pictures of latest outings' there.
I had Seafood today with Shannon, Fareeshah, Sonya and Aqidah!
Play pool with Shanney first and yeah, I admit I SUCK AT IT.

Newton for Seafood.
Heavenly, but also a little too much bloated because I gobble down my food.
HAHAHA.
Birthday cake was freaking good but I didn't finish it.
boohhooo!
and now, I'M SO SHAGGED.
k bye!
p.s : I saw my ex crush on the way back home in the bus and it was so super doubly embarrassing.
He was standing in front of me but we didn't exchange greetings. hais. diam ah kau.
&
Happy Birthday Afad.
happy birthday friend.
I love you. (:

I am not the carpet ride, I am the sky.

2009-04-02T21:39:00.004+08:00

SO MUCH FOR MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY.
I will swear to my fucking goddamn god, I WILL NEVER EVER SPEND MY BIRTHDAY ALONE AGAIN.
NEVER EVER.
Something more than extreme loneliness overcomes me and I ended up with swollen eyes.
and when I got up, I cried again. =.=

Initially, I had a long, very long post about this disaster day.
but then, lovely people ran through my mind. People who actually cherish me and ACTUALLY SHOW IT, NOT JUST LAY IT IN WORDS.
so I just deleted everything and write about it, in a more positive perspective.

A big thank you to those who wishes me happy birthday! (:
May your day be as beautiful as the clear blue sky!
I wish you lots of love from everywhere around you.

Birthday Baby!

2009-04-02T01:19:00.005+08:00

eh buto ah bad hair day!!!!
Went out sheesha-ing with Ferd and my awesome sayangs!
Shafiq joined us too in the evening. (: Crazy guy!
had Mac Spicy for dinner and headed to Boat Quay.
The three boys cracks me up ! hahah!
I got home by curfew and I hate it. babi sundal.

and Hi,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEE!

I'm trying to sound excited and really bubbly now but you know,
I feel indifferent like as if this date is insignificant.
It doesn't seem to matter anymore to me which makes me feel so bitter, in some ways.
I feel so old and boring!!!! :(

I want to have big celebration.
Everyone wishing me even though they're not fucking sincere about it.
Have a big cake, blow out candles and I'll give everyone goodies.
I miss being so little, so carefree, so breakable.

Take me out today!
Anyone.Anywhere.
I'll be just content with that, seriously.

& somebody will really break my heart if he won't wish me today.
I wish you could see how much you mean to me.
How tempted I am to write every single feeling I held back.
every single thing I want to say it out loud to you but its so fucking difficult given the situation.
I will never say it now, probably in the near future when things are different.

Goodnight everyone,
and since its my birthday,
I wanna say I'm sorry to everyone for being a bitch/asshole/ignorant/arrogant/egoistic.
I'm not at fault okay, I'm programmed to function like that. It's just either I'm too harsh on my words or just that you just piss me off.
(:
Love,
Ema MAAAAAAAAAAK!
haha!

2009-04-01T00:00:00.001+08:00

Happy 17th Birthday to Aqidah! (:
I love you and have a wonderful birthday okay!
We'll have a celebration soon, I'm so looking forward to it!!
yay!

& Happy 16th Birthday to Khoiri!!
I'm still 364 days older than you okay.
IT DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

but I'm willing to give it a try

2009-03-31T12:43:00.002+08:00

He got rid of my headache this morning.
I love you Morrison!

& hell yeah, I change my blogskin again.
I was totally unsatisfied with the previous ones.
and if you're wondering why I'm up at this time of the hour, I have to go for ITE enrollment later with Mum.
=_______=
I'm so hungry now that I could eat up a whole turkey.
and JANGAN SAMER KAN AKU DENGAN SI RASAKSA TU.
he can even eat up Khairul and will still say he's not full.
haha!

look out sunshine!

2009-03-31T00:55:00.006+08:00

If there's one person I really dependent on and can't picture my future without her in it,
she's gotta be Shariffah Durrah!
My best damn thing.
She can comprehend what I'm rambling about and I can fill in her blanks. (: ONLY ME! haha!

watched Confessions Of A Shopaholic.
Hilarious! I'll give a 4.5/5 for that movie!
go watch if you're planning to catch a movie or something.
Subway for dinner and as you can see, we took tons of pictures together.
:D :D
If you can't live without your boyfriend, I can't live without Shefa!!
& though we aren't the coolest people alive, we still have the ultimate fun okay!

My brownieeee! Shefa bought it for me! :D
how can I not love her huh huh huh!!

so you know, it's the starting of the week and I'm already feeling gay! (:
not because that my birthday is coming but I have tons of plans to look forward to.
Money is kinda an issue but I'll ask Mum and Uncle for it. I don't care anymore.
You don't let me work so let me spend your money!!
It's an investment you know!!!

& the mosquitoes can't stop biting me since just now.
urgh, fuck you insects!

Earth Hour/Monochrome!!

2009-03-31T00:20:00.008+08:00

P.S : we're not together! haha! only my husband, in name since secondary 1.
ahh those memories. ahaha! I'm 2 months pregnant with Tay's son. gawwwd!
HAHAHAHHA!

love letter to Japan

2009-03-30T00:07:00.001+08:00

I fucking love this fucking band!
New obsession! gahhhhhh!

I have absolutely nothing to do today!

2009-03-29T18:21:00.000+08:00

Yesterday's chalet with ex-401s was great.
well, we will always be the 401 that the teachers will remember.
after all, we are the best class anyone could be in but the worst a teacher could teach.
:D

It was fun, hilarious and we did lots of videos. ^^
I met hubby too! after so long! (:
though it will be so much more awesome with my lovely girls, Shannon did me a favour by going with me!
We drank, but didn't get wasted which is a good thing! only highly shameless!
& I woke Khairul up at 4am because I couldn't sleep!
haha! thanks sundaaaaaaaal for keeping me company till I feel asleep.
hah!

I think something is wrong with my computer.
I can't upload my pictuuuuuuuuuuuuuuures!

im jksdnjkgfn!

2009-03-28T10:03:00.000+08:00

hello, I'm not yet asleep.
haaahaa.
changing link.
I wanna leave the past as it is.
It's bothering me to keep re-reading about my past, the happier time when I know I can't bring it back.

link me if you want to,
I don't mind if you don't wanna read my blog anymore.
bye.
oh, I love you people who reads my blog and still wanna read it.
makes me feel like, I'm err, something.
what's that word again?
oh, makes me feel noticed.
:D

http://uncommonreactions.blogspot.com

2009-03-28T09:49:00.000+08:00

I am not asleep yet.
Bloody runny nose and I had breakfast from MacDonalds' thanks to my sister!
hehe. ape? flag day? ape? secondary school? HAHA!

Talking about school, I'm not looking forward to it.
Frankly speaking, I am so jealous of my friends who gets into Poly with their new laptops and new clothes to buy for school.
So jealous that my heart,head and stomach hurts.
but I'm retaking so I think that's gonna be alright.
I'm not saying that ITE is a shame but argh, forget it. you will know it if you're in my position.

& I'm not in love,
Sorry. I can't like you more than this.
I have healed from my previous relationship but I'm sick of all these.

Unitended

2009-03-25T23:58:00.000+08:00

I finally feel the sun on my skin today!
Feels great to just hang out and escape from my house.
Starbucks with Danial BapukSundaaal, Maine, and Shefa.
:D
Oh, and we crashed ToysRus too.
then Danny PULP! haha with Hafez James Morrison.(^^) came!
abang ipar aku! hehe. aku nak kahwin gn IZZAT!
Izzat! IZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! :D :D :D
aku promise kau, aku akan setia kat adik kau! HAHAHA!

By far the best day of the week.
Stupid inside jokes. HAHAHA
then, hanged out at Reservior Park.
We got chased by A BIG BAD WOLF!
or rather, a big black as the night dog with thick saliva dripping out of his jaws.
omg, the image suddenly flashed through my mind.
seriously, if you were to put me in that situation again, I'll be scoring in my 2.4km run!
but then again, it's hilarious to just imagine Maine and me running for our lives.
I really need to get into shape before school kicks in.
urgh, that one too. fuck it.
THIS IS A FUCKED UP THING TOO.
JUST IN: MUM HAS FINALLY SUSPECTED THAT I SMOKE.
AFTER PROBABLY 4 YEARS OF MY CASUAL HABIT.
eh I wanna quit. SERIOUSLY.

2009-03-25T13:28:00.000+08:00

I want to be around people all the time.
I want people to fill in the silence.
but at the same time, I don't wish to be dependent on them either.
Dependency reflects insecurity.
I can manage matters myself so I don't think it necessary to be around people all the time.
I can fill the silence with music and great memories from the past.
but it's not healthy to go back to the past all the time.
You can't move on by doing so.
urgh, I'm so contradicting sometimes.
I guess I have hold too much grudges in my heart that I can't seem to see forgiveness.
I have used my head to decide on alot of things that I kinda forget where the heart is.

&
I still can't sleep well.
I have dreams that seems to indicate that I need warmth from other people
and stop being so cold and distant now.
I am even close to breaking down in the wee hours but somehow, I held back.
Like this big ego of mine forces me not to cry.
It's not my fault, so why the fuck should I apologise?
It's not my fault, so why the fuck should I care about other people's feelings?
PEOPLE HAVE NEVER CARED ABOUT MINE TOO. I do feel excruciating pain from people's actions and words too.
I just don't wish to look vulnerable in front of people so I just held it inside. I held everything inside, ranting them in these strings of words in my blog that nobody seems to comprehend.
I rather dependent on the Internet rather than people.
AT LEAST THEY DON'T BE A BITCH AND TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO.

& when people say words can never bring them down, they're lying through their teeth.
every once in awhile, they feel the pinch.
and to whom it may concern, I don't want to talk to you anymore.
bye.

2009-03-25T00:18:00.000+08:00

Happy 17th Birthday Bella.

May your special day brings you joy and happiness.
(:
I miss you, my best friend.

I can be so mean if I want to

2009-03-23T01:46:00.000+08:00

I got a new phone and a new number.
I changed number three times this year.
HAH.
though my new phone might not be so mighty cool, its way better than the old one.

Went drinking with Lynn today. haha. (Si fera tu lah)
and her friend drove me back home by midnight.
err, best friend's birthday is in 2 days' time.
I miss you.
It's a pity how the 'LOVE' ( yeah right) of your life seems to be a barrier in our friendship.
but you know, PEOPLE CHANGE.
I'm trying to adapt to changes, as sucky as it is but that's life for you.
I can't sleep yesterday.
a gazillion things ran through my mind.
I even wrote 2 pages of my heartfelt emotions at 5 in the morning
but I threw it away.
I'm discontent with the evident changes.
I'm truly unhappy with how things work.

I'm not heartless as to say that I never put myself in your shoes.
I have never imagine myself loving someone to that extent that I will lose my pride and stuffs.
but put that aside, everyone is so fucked up too.
people grow up and they lose their grounds.
people change and make a big mess of themselves.
people change, become a somebody and forget their roots.
that's humans for us all.

Coming Soon Is NOT SCARY!

2009-03-23T01:45:00.000+08:00

this is when I got irritated because Liya forced me to go to the most-boring-gig-ever and we had to walk further to other isolated bustop. haha!

2009-03-22T01:57:00.000+08:00

I think whenever I'm sick, I tend to have more stupid-doesn't-make-senses dreams.
=_________________________=

I finally got a TV in my room!
fuck yeah!
I love Shannon like how she loves me too!
hahah!

Stay home Saturday movie, HPATCOS!
Hi Ronald Weasley baby! I wish you will appear in my dream tonight.
I wanna make out with you! hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahah!
other than that, I want to get well soon.
(:

I love this song. & I love the comments too.
Read the second comment. HAHAHA!

don't you wanna share the guilt

2009-03-21T02:04:00.000+08:00

Initial plan was to collect my bloody cert at 130pm but I bloody woke up at that exact time too.
=_________=
nobody was home. yes.peaceful.but.still.I.felt.so.bloody.lonely.

Watched a bloody movie, Coming Soon which was a bloody okay movie, worth the bloody 6bucks but not worth the bloody normal price range because we got the bloody student price.
haha!
Bloody Shannon and Bloody Liya kept closing their faces when the bloody freaky part came.
bloody scardy cats.

hanged out at the bloody Starbucks' Pacific Plaza.
& then Bloody Shannon ( !!!!!!!!!!) went off.
& I so bloody wanna kill her right now.
Watched the bloody weekend trip which was bloody mundane and dry.
not even a single cute guy was in sight.
I is a very bloody sad girl!
:(((((((((((((((((((

& I bloody haven't got hold of Mahligai Manis' picture, Mosaic's with Epah&all pictures and today's picture with that bloody Liya!
argh.
bloody hell.
bloody mudbloods!
( I'm staying at home watching Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets with Maine tomorrow so gotta get in the mood with the bloody hell thingy, haha! )
and probably Hindustan too!
with a big bowl of popcorn or maybe, GARLIC BREADS!
wohoo!

fuck you people.
I hope tomorrow will rain cats and dogs and you won't even get to enjoy your weekend to the fullest unless you watch Harry Potter!
and of course, I can't wait to see my baby! Ron sayaaaaaaaang!
hahahah!

2009-03-19T15:43:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was great!
Awesome crowds. Awesome bands and great friends!
Annoyingly, Shefa wore the same shorts as me.
We got the same ringtone.
We got the same message alert tone.
Talking about soulmates here. haha!

Met up with Epah and the others at Marina Square.
We hanged out for awhile before proceeding to the stage, which I hate alot.
I didn't get to skank at all. :(
Can I have my powerhouse back? It brings back alot of memories that still lingers in my mind.
The Sallys' greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!

but I love Copy Machine from Korea! :D :D
put aside their accent, they rocked the house!
They're quirky and lots of laughs.

OH! I FOUND $10 IN THE WASHING MACHINE!
WOHOO!

2009-03-17T22:57:00.000+08:00

Breakfast at Pastamania with the deeeeeeevil. haha!
We stayed awake all night long and met at 9, I think.
I had creamy chicken, WHICH I SWEAR I WON'T EAT IT AGAIN.
I got so nauseated after that.

Then after he left, I met Mama at Tampines Mall. Accompanied her.
& just when I was about to go home, Khairul called!
& after Mama left, I accompanied him to get his SingPass done.
=______________________________________________=

& when I don't get enough sleep, I get cranky and grumpy.
When I get into that state, err. you know how bitches right? haha!
& You don't want to witness it but Khairul just did!
haha!
I got home at 4pm and sleep my way through till 10pm.
I ignored lots of calls and texts but I'll get back to you tomorrow!
(:

you're so sweet to try, oh my,
you caught my eye.
a boy like you is just irresistible.

no you girls

2009-03-16T19:15:00.000+08:00

I missed out on Mocca's set which was yesterday. I wanna cry!!!
but then Sallys' performing, this Wednesday. Looking forward to it but you know,
it doesn't feels the same like the past years.
good crowd. good friends. good times. hais.
I miss 2007 so much.
and I'm going for Good Fellas' set as well the following day.
(:

Initial plan was to accompany Mum to Aunt's place but to save myself from getting an earful from the recent events that had been going on within the family, I have decide that I need my bed more than ever because I slept at 730am today!
oh, I ended up waking up at 440pm. Watched Ellen and took a bath.
how boring can my life get huh!?!
but I'll cherish every minute because in less than a month,
I'm starting school. urgh. fuck it.

Oh, I created Facebook because I got bored.
ADD ME!!!!!!!!

Uninspired

2009-03-15T16:36:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was Mundane.
=_______________________=
Drank with Fafa, Mira and their friends.
and Mannto apparently. haha!
Then headed to F.Canning to meet Sufi and Zakiah and Paii.
I was feeling distant that day.
I don't have much to elaborate about it.

It's not suppose to hurt this way. It's not suppose to end up this way.
but some things lack simplicity even I can't comprehend it even though I am going through all these.

I'm heading to Library later with Musang Berjanggot.
On the search to find good books to keep me company during the times when Internet is being a bitch and those lonely nights.
LIVERPOOL WON.
even though I don't really watch football, I prefer Liverpool.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA~
eheheh,

asal semut kecik?

Try not to fuck with your feelings

2009-03-12T20:28:00.000+08:00

You can see the girl's nip. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
but this song is terribly nice! (:
You don't know good music unless you have heard of The Sounds.
I got Khairul and Fareeshah hooked on them for sure! :D

I got my makeup and mum's letting me use the postpaid number!
HORAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
But the downside is MY NEW SHIRT IS DAMAGED.

AND I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED MY FAVOURITE SONGS IN MY MP3.
THAT JUST RUINS EVERYTHING.
MUSIC MATTERS A LOT TO ME.

& I was reading some of my old posts.
I miss Secondary School.
Like how I will drag myself to school and sleep during silent reading even under the humid weather.
Digressing topics from Protein to Burung Kakak Tua yang bernama Tuah.
( HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA)
Laughing at Mr Poh's mispronunciations that got EVERYONE IN CLASS LAUGHING.
'' withzout ( without) your O level withzout ( result), you are nothing''.
( muke pukimak tak cuci 11hari )
and watching porn in Anisa's maths classes.
& she will go FATIMAH!! WAKE UP !!
HAHAHA.

i can collect my cert already but it really hard coming back because inevitably I will see people who I wish never existed & they will ask where I ended up in but then, whats life without some dislike.
but I am still very bummed about my sucky O level results.
& I'll make sure I'll do good this time round.

2009-03-10T23:05:00.000+08:00

Yesterday,

Airport to chill and just fool around with Khairul, Aqidah and Fad.

(:
I'm a little off by the end of the day.

Got a nasty headache by the time I got home & I missed Desprate Housewives!!!

I'm still having a splitting headache now and its getting worse.

hais.

and you know, I don't give a damn about your relationship already.

please don't come to me if you need a listening ear when it involves that bastard.

I DON'T A FUCKING SHIT ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.

Since my concern is not appriciated in any form, why bother anyway.

Just live your life.

I won't be angry at you anymore in fact I won't feel a thing.

Hearts can never be practical unless they are made unbreakable

2009-03-08T22:15:00.000+08:00

I WISH YOU COULD SEE HOW PATHETIC YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.

YOU LOSE YOUR DIGNITY ALREADY.

ISN'T IT HUMILIATING ENOUGH ALREADY?!!

Love, they say it comes in many forms but I believe they WILL NEVER COME IN THE FORM OF VIOLENCE.

What? His slap felt like a kiss? HAHA. so they say, LOVE IS BLIND, DEAF AND DUMB.

wait, THAT'S NOT EVEN LOVE!

how unbelievable! I can't even believe myself that I am talking to you.

If you were to just see the world through my eyes, you will see yourself as someone who just lost her mind.

you're in for trouble, what you doing now is self-destructing.

It's a wonder how you could even carry yourself with me.

I know I HAVE NO RIGHT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP BUT HELLO!

I HAVE BEEN FRIENDS WITH YOU FOREVER I SHOULD KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU.

YOU JOLLY WELL KNOW I DON'T LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND, THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS!

AND WHAT I AM TELLING YOU IS NOT BECAUSE I DISLIKE HIM,

ITS BECAUSE YOU ARE LOSING YOUR MIND!

My words comes in harsh, I admit, very harsh.

You should know me better, I don't beat about the bush.
I speak my mind and I don't give a fuck about feelings.

This should be a wake up call for you but you know, I have a big feeling you wouldn't even realise it.

My words may not even carry weight to you but just THINK WITH YOUR HEAD.

WHEN YOU LET YOUR HEART WIN, EVERYTHING COMES TUMBLING DOWN.

this is not the right time to think about being forever. FUCK FOREVER. just FUCK IT.

I'm cynical about your relationship and your whole outlook of life and love.

I just feel I don't know you anymore.

If you want to salvage what you had with him,

the whole memories thingy and all the hugs and kisses you shared with him.

well, that is totally up to you.

I am only one part of our friendship, I influence you to think but it takes two hands to clap,

if you refuse to accept the fact that is being slapped to your face, (literally) then there's nothing else I can do within my means to make you see what I see, and what I believe EVERYONE SEE.

I just don't want to look at you right now,

even just now. I just want to let out everything but it will be hurting you even more.

but lets just face it.

The truth hurts but lying is worse off than anything else in the world.

& you know,

SOMETIMES LOVE JUST AIN'T ENOUGH.

An Apple a day keeps the doctor away but an Ema a day kicks all the blues away!

2009-03-05T23:06:00.000+08:00

Accompanied Shefa shopping today.
Had Pastamania and I got an earstud! :D
I even did my eyebrow, she did a wonderful job again!
Remedy for the lonely soul : A best friend who will make you choke on a sweet because she said something dumb. & who says you have to be Blondie to be dumb?
HAHAHAHA!
Bought Liquor chocolatessssssssssssssssssssssssssss!
I don't like the Whiskey chocolate, Rum was the best!
and Champagne was just okay.
She pestered me to borrow my MP3 and I did.
whoa. malam nie lonely gila siaaaaaaaaaaa. :(

I feel like cutting my hair,
NAK POTONG RAMBUT AH.
EH WAIT, THE RIGHT PHRASE IS GUNTING.
I remember someone always correcting me. =.=
now he hilang like asap rokok.

& Its so cold now.
I wanna snuggle in my bed and text si Jendol tu sampai besok pagi.
rindu you like gila tau, GILA!

hammers and hearts

2009-03-04T23:17:00.000+08:00

I got so bored staying at home the whole day, I CLEANED MY ROOM.
CLEARED MY SECOND WARDROBE AND YAY! THERE'S MORE SPACE FOR MORE CLOTHES! & I washed my make up sponges. (: horaaay!
I wasted so much fucking space and I fucking found some missing clothes.
and I spent 2 hours just clearing it up.
I cleared my mind too, all those clutters in my head are not necessary now.
All I wanna care about is MY LIFE and no one's else.
Even if I were to declare it, I will be making things a whole fucking lot difficult and since I had enough of trouble times, I rather just chuck it away and send it somewhere far.
Ignorance is Bliss.
haha, I think I'm good at making myself feel good. (:
An art which will takes you years to master it!
^^

On a brighter side,
I'm going on a date with my bestfriend, Shefa tomorrow!
EMA & SHEFA ONLY !
OMG! OMG! super excited!
I have so much to fill her in.
so looking forward to it.

I wanna make a timetable for my stay-home routine.
I'm sick of doing the same damn thing.
I'll probably be baking some cookies on Friday and decorating my room.
sooooo! to anyone who is thinking of throwing away old magazines, please recycle it to me.
I'm 1/3 finish to decorating my room, it's so boring. I need to add in some colours!

I wanna blabber a lot more things, a whole fucking list of it.
I was talking to myself while I was cleaning my room but I forgot what most of it is about.
uh! I have a fucking pimple, the same spot 2 weeks ago.
=_________________________=
& WHERE IS THE BEST PLACE TO GET EYEBROW TRIMMING UH?
I wanna try treading but I have been told that its gonna hurt like crazy
but its worth the try.
now all i need is money!
ARGHH!
I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CASH, NOT EVEN 10CENTS!
Dear Sister,
WILL YOU PLEASE FUCKING SPARE $10 !!!
pretty pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase!

The dovers have died, The lovers have lied.

2009-03-04T15:22:00.000+08:00

I got a little distraught last night after finding out a few things that SHOULDN'T HAVE UPSET ME ANYMORE but it did.
I have always thought I got over things but evidently, there's still some anger, grudges and a little bit of a heartache.
I have always thought that I am strong to bear with the constant pain but I think the pain just grew stronger. It hurts every time I breathe. :(
I have always thought that I am my own pillar of strength that no one could touch me and bring me down but I think my foundation isn't strong enough so that pillar of strength just collapse.

It's a false sense of accomplishment every time I console myself that things will be alright, just on the surface.
It doesn't bother me much to think that what I used to have was something so good that it shouldn't come to an end.
what bothers me is that how I can fucking feel that I don't deserve to be happy again when I know I have every fucking right to do so.
People say things to make themselves feel great but how long will the 'feel good' sensation last till another wave of uncertainty takes over and consumes you till you can't even take one breath of fresh air?

Alot of things are better off unsaid, I don't like to complicate any matters that concerns the hearts and head now since I am being suck in a whirlpool of deceit and lies, again.

I can't say I was never wrong but some blame rests on you.

DEAR SHEFA,
I FUCKING MISS YOU SO MUCH.
I NEED YOU MORE THAN EVER NOW.
:(

2009-03-03T23:49:00.000+08:00

She's so pretty!

I love both Grease movie but I much prefer the first movie,
John Travolta is so gorgeous. Last time lah, now not anymore.
hahaha!